Lost Love
by Every Night I Save You
Summary: Buffy looks back on her time in L.A., after the destruction of Sunnydale, and about the loss of Spike. My first fic, please be gentle.
1. Default Chapter

Lost Love ********* By. Every Night I Save You  
  
Summary: Buffy looks back on her time in L.A., after the destruction of Sunnydale, and the loss of Spike.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, Joss Whedon does, I'm just borrowing them. I promise to give them all back, but maybe not Spike.  
  
***************************************************** Prologue  
  
3 months after the battle . . . ***************************************************** As Buffy walked through the cemetery, her thoughts turned back to Sunnydale and to Spike. Oh God, how she missed him. Especially at night, that had been they're time. Whether they were patrol together or fighting each other, the darkness of night had been the setting. Now she could find no comfort in the dark, not without Spike.  
  
After he . . . after the Hellmouth was closed. They had packed everyone onto the bus and took off for L.A., and Angel. It had been hard, I felt like I was betraying Spike, by turning to Angel. But he had something I needed, resources. Angel had the money and the room to take care of everyone until they could be sent to various places all over the globe. When I looked at Angel for the first time since Spike had . . .  
  
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"Buffy," he said. He walked towards her, opening his arms to hold her. "Thank God, you're alright."  
  
Buffy stood completely still, as Angel put his arms around her. She just had to get through this moment and then she could find a bed and sleep for a week. Even though she knew she would be plagued with dreams, of him, she welcomed them now, she longed for him.  
  
But of course, it's never that simple. As soon as the words left Angel's lips, she flinched. Angel noticed this and that the people standing in the lobby of the Hyperion behind Buffy seemed to hold their breath as one. Stepping back, he looked in Buffy's eyes and saw hurt and sadness, but most of all anger. He looked at her confused, what had he said.  
  
"Buffy?" he said softly.  
  
"I'm not alright," she said, just above a whisper. Willow stepped forward along with Dawn and Faith.  
  
"Angel, can we do this after?" Willow asked. 'Resolve face' in place.  
  
Angel got the feeling that even though she asked, she was only going to take one answer. "We set up some of the rooms, just in case you decided to come." He turned and headed up the stairs. The group at the doors of the hotel, let out the breaths none of them had noticed that they were holding.  
  
It had been like that since they left the crater. They all settled on the bus for the two hour ride to L.A. The ones that weren't taking care of the wounded had seen Buffy, sitting with Dawn in the front of the bus. They had heard the sobs begin soon after the bus had been in motion. Dawn had asked Buffy if she was alright and the oldest and strongest Slayer in history seemed to shatter like a piece of glass. She cried with her head buried in Dawn's stomach, the gut-wrenching sobs were all that could be heard. Willow had risen from her seat beside Kennedy and sat down on the other side of Buffy, her and Dawn wrapping their arms around her. She stayed in the warm cocoon of their arms until she finally cried herself to sleep. When the cries ended, the occupants on the bus had relaxed, but some knew it was only temporary. The crying would go on for months. 


	2. Chapter One

Lost Love ********* By. Every Night I Save You  
  
Summary: Buffy looks back on her time in L.A., after the destruction of Sunnydale, and the loss of Spike.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, Joss Whedon does, I'm just borrowing them. I promise to give them all back, but maybe not Spike.  
  
***************************************************** Chapter One ***************************************************** When Buffy had woken up the next night, she couldn't remember where she was, or what had happened.  
  
"Spike?" she called out softly. Then it hit her, and the tears began again. She sat up with her knees under her chin and cried out her soul.  
  
"Buffy?" Dawn asked, her voice blurry with sleep. She sat up and enveloped her sister in her arms. She had known not to leave her alone, and had only slept after Buffy had fallen asleep, sobbing quietly.  
  
A light knock came to the door and Willow stuck her head in, taking in the scene. Moving into the room, she sat on the bed and took Buffy out of Dawn's arms and into her own.  
  
"Dawnie, honey, go get Giles for me," she said quietly. "I think he's two door down from my room."  
  
Nodding, Dawn left the room in search of Giles. When they came in, Willow transferred Buffy back into Dawn's arms and faced Giles. They started talking in hushed tones.  
  
"She is grief stricken, Giles." Willow stated.  
  
"We just have to wait it out, hopefully she will make it through this. I'm afraid, so much has happened in the last few years that, she has lost so much." Giles really didn't know what else to say.  
  
When the sobs stopped behind them, thay knew that the Slayer had exhausted herself again. When a low knock came to the door, they jumped slightly and looked at Buffy to see if it disturbed her. Dawn shook her head to Willow as Giles answered the door.  
  
"Angel," Giles said. He glanced behind him to his Slayer and stepped into the hall, Willow right behind him.  
  
Angel stayed silent, until he couldn't bear it a second longer. "What happened? Is she okay? I could hear her downstairs it sounded like she was dying."  
  
Willow and Giles looked at each other for a moment, before they could answer him the door behind them opened and Dawn stepped out. She closed the door silently behind her.  
  
"The Hellmouth is closed, Spike closed it, and he died." She told him, her eyes full of tears. "As to whether or not Buffy's okay, I would have to go with a no. She's not okay now, and I don't know if she will be soon."  
  
Willow put her arm around Dawn's shoulders as the teen cried. "Shh. . . it's okay. She'll get through this, she will, Dawnie. Please don't cry, we'll get through this."  
  
"But, I never said, I'm sorry," she sobbed, against Willow's shoulder. "He died not knowing how much I still loved him. He was a part of me."  
  
"He was a part of all of us, even when we didn't want him to be." Xander said from behind Angel. He had heard Buffy crying and had cried right along with her. When he heard the conversation in the hall, he opened the door and put his two-cents in about Spike.  
  
"Xander?" Willow asked, shocked.  
  
"I know, the Bleached Wonder, not my favorite person, and I do mean person, not monster or demon, person." At their shocked looks, he continued, "I've done a lot of thinking in a very short time so bear with me. Looking back, there have been a lot of constants in our lives. Demons trying to kill us, Buffy saving us, and Spike. No matter how much you wanted him to leave and he never did. He's saved our asses when he didn't have to, and now he saved the world. I wish I could thank him."  
  
Angel stood in shock, he had wanted to ask Willow and Giles who Dawn had been talking about. Thinking she had lost her boyfriend or something, but when Xander had said bleached he knew it could only be Spike that he was talking about. He wanted to laugh at them when he made the comment of Spike saving Buffy, them, and even the world. He couldn't listen to them anymore.  
  
"Willow, let me know how she's doing, and if there is anything I can do, Fred is downstairs. Giles when you have the time Wesley would like to talk to you about what happened and so would I." With that said he turned and walked away, heading to the only place he found comfort anymore.  
  
He sat in the medical wing by Cordelia's side for hours until they called him back to the hotel. Fred said Buffy was up and asking for him, he headed back to the hotel, hoping he and Buffy would get to talk and he could ask her to stay with him, in L.A.  
  
When he got there, things were not as he expected.  
  
TBC??? Should I even continue or should I just give up??? PLeae review even to tell me it sucks. If I do continue it will be Spuffy all the way, as for the rating just a precaution, who really knows how my brain works after it gets going. 


	3. Chapter Two

Lost Love ********* By. Every Night I Save You  
  
Summary: Buffy looks back on her time in L.A., after the destruction of Sunnydale, and the loss of Spike.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, Joss Whedon does, I'm just borrowing them. I promise to give them all back, but maybe not Spike.  
  
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Chapter Two  
  
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When Angel entered the hotel, he started to wonder if he was in the right place. The girls had taken over the lobby. There were magazines, with pictures of what he could only assume were the latest boy bands on them. The air was heavy with the odor of hair care products and nail polish.  
  
He spotted Faith and Willow talking to Gunn and headed towards them.  
  
Gunn spotted him first. "What's up, Angel? How's Cordy?"  
  
Angel just shook his head. Cordy still wasn't responding to anything the doctors could come up with, he just hoped she woke up soon.  
  
"How's Buffy?" he asked Willow.  
  
"She's upstairs with Dawn right now. She should be back down in a few, she wanted Dawn to help her go over the list of things we need." Willow told him, carefully avoiding the subject of how Buffy was.  
  
"Angel, man!!!" Faith said looking him over. "Did I tell you how good it is to be able to see you again?"  
  
Angel had to smile at her, he knew she was trying to distract him from his thoughts of Buffy. Like it could be that easy. He just wanted to help her get her life together, hopefully so he could be a part of it.  
  
"Faith," Angel said, smiling at the dark haired Slayer. "You look good, I'm glad you made it out of Sunnydale."  
  
"Thanks, Angel. I'm pretty happy about it myself." She told him, grinning. "Well, I've got to get upstairs to check out Robin, before he ends up down here. Wouldn't want him to rip those stitches."  
  
Angel watched her head up before turning back to Willow. "So . . ."  
  
"Angel, look I know you want to know what happened and why Buffy's upset, but you're just going to have to talk to her." Willow said. "It's her story to tell."  
  
Angel was about to reply, when Dawn came down the stairs.  
  
"Faith said you were back. Buffy's in her room, she wants to talk to you." Dawn told him.  
  
Angel noted the anger in her voice, but decided to talk to her later. He wanted to talk to Buffy, to let her know how he really felt. He was ready to enjoy her cookie. Hopefully she was done baking.  
  
He took the stairs two at a time, when he reached her door, he stood for a moment to compose himself. He wiped the smile off his face, not wanting to upset her. She had lost some of the Potentials and that was probably what was causing her all the pain. The thought that maybe it had something to do with Spike entered his mind, but he refused to allow it to settle. There was no way this could be about Spike.  
  
He knocked on the door. "Come in, Angel." Smiling once more, he let it drop, then opened the door.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: This will be Spuffy, I promise I just want to get Angel out of the way first. Not that I enjoy causing Angel pain, well not much, I just can't believe how over-confident he can be, with the ruling people's lives and of course the ruling of Buffy's life. For a 250 year-old vampire he really acts like a jackass!!! Well anyway, coming up, Buffy is going to confront Angel, while the Scooby Gang will have a meeting minus Buffy and Angel, to dicuss what they are going to do about the torn apart Slayer. I hope you enjoy, and sorry for the inexperience. 


	4. Chapter Three

Lost Love ********* By. Every Night I Save You  
  
Summary: Buffy looks back on her time in L.A., after the destruction of Sunnydale, and the loss of Spike.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, Joss Whedon does, I'm just borrowing them. I promise to give them all back, but maybe not Spike.  
  
A/N: Sorry it took so long for an update, I work nights and have a pre- schooler, so it gets crazy sometimes. Thank you so much for the reviews, it means so much to me, because I like most people have confidence issues. I'm trying to improve with my writing, in theory I should be really good at this, I read alot!!! My other half says I might as well write it since I live in the Buffyverse, which irritates the hell out of him, but he's okay with my obsession. As long as I don't accidently call out Spike at certain times, I should be safe. Ha, ha, kidding, maybe!!!  
  
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Chapter Three  
  
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After Angel headed upstairs, Dawn and Willow gathered up the group and headed into the kitchen. The younger Slayers were told that they could join them if they chose to, and most of them did. When everyone was settled, and Faith decided to grace them with her presence, Willow started the meeting.  
  
"For those of you who don't know why this meeting was called, we have a serious problem. Our Slayer and friend, Buffy, is having a hard time dealing since she came out of the Hellmouth. We are trying to help her now, but it doesn't look like she's getting any better." Willow finished speaking and looked at the faces gathered around the industrial sized kitchen. Some wore said expressions and other held bewilderment. "I can see some of you have questions, why don't we see if we can answer some of those now."  
  
Rona spoke up. "It's about Spike, isn't it?"  
  
Willow smiled, slightly, at the name. "Yes, Rona, that's what we figure this is about."  
  
"But, there isn't any way to bring him back is there?" Kennedy asked, from her perch on a stool next to Willow.  
  
"Normally, it wouldn't even be considered. You would need the vampire's ashes and probably a whole lot more, but in this case we have nothing. Spike died in the Hellmouth, his ashes and anything else that he owned is gone buried beneath the rubble." Willow looked at the sad expressions on Dawn and Xander's faces. "Even his duster is gone."  
  
"You know how Spike is, er, was, there was no way he was going to be a hero and save the world without his duster." Dawn managed to choke the last of her statement out before the tears returned. Xander put his arm around her, and she sobbed into his shoulder.  
  
"That's Spike for you" he said, smiling down at her. "He wouldn't even let you try it on and you're his Nibblet."  
  
Dawn smiled up at him, grateful that he had seemed to drop the attitude towards Spike. She turned to Willow. "So, what do we do then?"  
  
"We research, then we research some more. Wes and Giles are going through some of the older texts, and they also have Wesley's department at Wolfram & Hart looking into it. Anyone who doesn't want to research can split into to groups, one for training and the other for cooking and cleaning." Willow turned to Dawn and Faith, who took her cue.  
  
"Alright, people," Faith said loud enough for the girls, who all seemed to talking at once, to hear her, "you heard the lady, move out. Decide who's going to be doing what."  
  
"Anyone who wants to be on housekeeping duty will be with me, and training will be with Faith. We'll switch every couple of days." Dawn said to the girls as they filed out the kitchen into the lobby. When everyone was settled there she turned back to the kitchen.  
  
Willow had waited till Dawn and Faith returned. "Now that the girls are taken care of, let's talk about the rest of our problems."  
  
At everyone's blank faces, she continued. "Angel being the main one. Has anyone noticed that since we've been here, he's been acting strangely?"  
  
"He wants Buffy." Dawn stated.  
  
"We know he loves Buffy, but he also can't have her." Xander said. "Buffy + Angel = Happy. Happy = Angelus."  
  
"Yes, Xand, thank you for reminding us." Willow said, sarcastically. "I think Dawn has a point, Angel has been acting weird, even for him. He's upstairs talking to her now, and I have a feeling he's not going to like what she has to say."  
  
"She's going to tell him about Spike?" Xander asked, disbelieving.  
  
"Yes," Willow answered. After taking a deep breath, she added. "She's also going to ask him for help, getting everyone sorted out. Training for the girls that want to stay, and a way home for the ones that don't. She's also going to ask him if we can stay here, while she goes to London with Giles, to start on the new council."  
  
"So B's going to England and we're going to stay here."  
  
"Faith," the witch said, turning towards the dark slayer. "You and Robin are going to go to Cleveland in a few days, if that's ok."  
  
Faith looked at Willow and decided it wouldn't help to argue with her, she also knew that the witch wasn't asking. "Hey, I always wanted my own Hellmouth."  
  
"Will, do you think Buffy's going to be alright?" Dawn asked getting more worried.  
  
"I don't know, Dawnie." Willow said, looking at the sad girl. She wrapped her arms around her. "Let's go research and hopefully we'll find something that can help us."  
  
"I hope so." Dawn said, sadly. As they walked by the stairs, they heard loud bangs coming from the top.  
  
Willow and the rest of the Scooby's looked at each other, all of them thinking the same thing at the same time, Angel!!! They ran up the stairs as fast as they could, they just hoped they weren't too late.  
  
TBC  
  
A/N: Up next we'll find out what Buffy told Angel, and why Angel is getting his ass kicked. I should have the next chapter posted later today or early tomorrow morning. Until then, TTFN! 


End file.
